David is thinking about the meat faerie (zoomardav) wrote,
David is thinking about the meat faerie

Oversized Hoodie

I have a zippered hoodie with sleeves long enough that they can hang down past my hands. I like it because I can avoid touching a lot of things directly, you know, like the doorknob on the door to the men's room. I also use it to avoid taking pamphlets from people when walking downtown.

This morning I was wearing it when I took Roscoe for a walk. I had my hand curled up in it playing with a loose thread on the seam. At the end of the thread was a large ball of what felt like knotted string or fabric. I felt it for about three minute, absentmindedly, when it occurred to me that the bit of string couldn't be that large without there being a rip in the jacket.

I picked it up and looked inside. It wasn't string, I was feeling the hairy abdomen of a large spider. I started shaking the end of my sleeve and yelping in a high pitched whiney way that ended in a shudder. The spider slid out on the sidewalk, obviously dead, I had killed it with my hand.

I remember going through a phase as a kid where I would check my shoes for scorpions. Now, I'm checking my hoodie for a fucking TARANTULA-SIZED spider before I put on the hoodie and pet it to death!
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