David is thinking about the meat faerie (zoomardav) wrote,
David is thinking about the meat faerie

Summer Blockbuster Idea

I have been writing a summer blockbuster in secret, but now I am ready to reveal it to you, my livejournal friends.

It's called Jimmy McSlaw and the F-Turd Suit

The hero, Jimmy McSlaw, is the classic victim. He has bullies beating him up all the time. The whole first part of the movie is him getting beat up to make people sympathetic to him. He gets beat up with fists. He gets beat up with a cactus. And finally, he gets beat up with a sequined tap shoe. Those bullies just won't let up.

That's when he gets a robot, from another dimension, that runs on fat people farts. His name is F-Turd. It shows up in his room one night and sings him a song about self-respect. (THIS IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF THE MOVIE SO THE SONG NEEDS TO BE GOOD. TOP TEN GOOD. MAYBE GET FERGIE TO SING IT.) Then the robot shows him other dimension science which is all fecal related. He shows him how to make a poo suit out of his own poo that gives him super powers. Kids will think this is funny. Kids and ME!

After he makes a poo suit he makes a secret lair in the septic tank in his front lawn. His dad discovers him and is hurt at first and then they come to understand and respect one another. (Also include scene of Richard Simmons Sweatin' to the Oldies video. Woman does the splits and farts loud! Robot pops up behind her and says, Now I am full!!!! So funny)

The whole third part is McSlaw taking his revenge on his enemies. The bullies. He shoots poo rays and blocks their punches with poo shields. Until, he finds out that one of his bullies, the one with the tap shoe, has a pee suit and another robot from the fecal dimension as his friend. (F-Pee?) There is a battle. (Pee suit guy says, I am number one. McSlaw says, I may be number two, but I'm better than you.) Then, they clash in a battle that destroys cities in funny ways. Flash flood of pee. Poo bombs. The world is a swirl of filth.

Finally, massive heavy metal song starts playing. Not sure which one. Maybe Def Leppard, depends on price. Poo and Pee suit are way apart and then fly at one another at top speed. As song reaches its peak they hit one another and the song goes silent.

The tension is unbearable. What the hell is going on? Who won? The screen is all pee and poo smeared. Then, a hand starts to clear it away. Who is it? Is it tap shoe guy or McSlaw?

It's McSlaw!! We all win.

Then, a patriotic song starts and there's a clip of a Ronald Reagan speech about freedom and bears waking up. Jesus this is great!!! McSlaw is the coolest. Then, out of nowhere he has sex with a hot girl we don't even recognize. She isn't even put off by his poo suit but boy is she hot.

But, Pee suit isn't dead and kills the lady. REVENGE!!!

Poo suit kills him with single poo shot...

But, it's too late. The lady is gone.

This is the real ending. He knows that with great power comes great responsibility.

He cries and the credits roll.

Bible quote come up on screen.

And you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.

John 8:32

McSlaw looks into the camera. He says, "The world is shit and SHIT will make you free. Just like it did me."

Then he winks and flies off into the sunset with the fart eating robot.

The End.

Copyright David Wahl 2007 Don't even think about stealing it!
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