David is thinking about the meat faerie (zoomardav) wrote,
David is thinking about the meat faerie

If Tear Gas Smelled Like Bacon Or The Bacon Mints Are Here!

Working at Archie McPhee has its advantages and disadvantages. The advantages are obvious, employee discount, inside scoop on what's coming up and being able to participate in the creation of new products. One of the few disadvantages appeared today. Our warehouse practically had to evacuated because it smelled too much like bacon.

You see, last year we launched our candy line. It did well, the world can't seem to get enough Gummy Bacon, but we wanted to push the envelope. The biggest complaint about the Gummy Bacon was that it didn't actually taste like bacon, it tastes like strawberries. We decided to fix that by making Bacon Mints (Two great tastes together at last!)and Bacon Toothpicks. These are just like the Cinnamon Toothpicks you remember except, of course, they taste like smoky delicious bacon.

They arrived yesterday, pallets and pallets of them. Unfortunately they had been flagged by the FDA so we couldn't sell them immediately, so they sat bound in plastic overnight. We had to wait for the FDA official to show up and do some tests. They never told us exactly what they were testing for, they just opened a few boxes and put a drop of a chemical on a mint and wrote something on a piece of paper. Our guess is that they were testing to see if there was actual bacon in the product. They have to be careful that we aren't importing cheaper Chinese bacon to flood the American market. Just imagine, someone somewhere might have a bacon testing kit that's as simple to use as a home pregnancy test. I know a few vegetarians who would love one of those.

Here comes the disadvantage. As soon as the plastic was pulled off the pallets, the whole building was flooded with the overwhelming odor of bacon. My hands smell like bacon, my clothes smell like bacon, my hair smells like bacon. I'm afraid to go to lunch as I may attract a pack of wild dogs. The smell of bacon is so overpowering one guy actually had to sit down for a few minutes to steady himself. This is powerful bacon mojo at work.

The ventilation fans are on and all the windows are open. The mints themselves are disturbingly delicious, just don't buy a pallet of them and store them in your house. Even now, hours later, clouds of bacon gas are wafting into the building. I am both slightly nauseated and hungry for a BLT. Someone else just announced they had to leave for the day to clear their head, it's impossible for her to concentrate. This is the nature of our work.

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