David is thinking about the meat faerie (zoomardav) wrote,
David is thinking about the meat faerie

No gay vacation for me...

So, my goals for my Nigerian spammer remain unmet. I got his story about finding Christ, but he was caught before I got him to agree to go on a gay vacation with Dave Eggers.


Here is the first set of emails.

He ignored all my story and just wanted me to contact the lawyer. So, I waited a few days and sent him this letter. I figured the first thing I needed to do was kill off my mannish wife and tell him how lonely I was.

David Bryan,

I am sorry to have let you down. You see, my wife has died. It was a tragic and unexpected death. While we were picking berries, she slipped from the ladder and fell into the church brambles. Her body was cut up from the thorns, but the deadliest blow was her hitting her head on a rock.

We couldn't tell which of the red on her was blood and which was the juice of berries.

Much like our Lord and savior Jeusus Christ, she died with a crown of thorns on her head. At least with Jesus's crown, they picked all the berries off before making him wear it.

I must say, my faith has been shaken. Tested to the farthest bounds I have thought possible. My interior nethers ache with loss. I am the lonliest I have ever been in my life.

Perhaps you should find someone more suited to your purpose. I am not worthy of the great David Bryan.

Do you ever find yourself longing for the company of a fellow man?

Yours in Christ Almighty,

Dave Eggers
I got this back:

The person that was using this email address is a scammer and thief, one of the worst persons of our society. Do not send him any money, if you have, immediately attempt to cancel the payment. If you have lost money, contact your local law enforcement for your next actions. DO NOT believe him if he contacts you from a different email address!!!:

My heart is broken. I have to assume that the email is from some Nigerian government agency. It is certainly written in the same oddly worded style as the original email.
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