David is thinking about the meat faerie (zoomardav) wrote,
David is thinking about the meat faerie

Energy Drink Experiment #1: Steven Seagals's Asian Experience

I love a novelty drink! Usually I keep it to myself when I sneak an odd soda or energy drink, but I just had to share the liquid amazement that has been brought to the world by one Mr. Steven Seagal. (Click link at your own risk, there's a sound clip from Seagal's blues album.) I had to try it because the ad I saw for it promised "100% Pure Steven Seagal Juice".

Did Seagal really have anything to do with the drink or did he just throw his picture on the can? From the drink site: "Steven Seagal now can add “Energy Drink formulator” to a list of talents that already includes veteran actor, singer/songwriter, guitarist, and Aikido black belt." Wow. Impressive.

And what does Seagal say, “I have traveled the world creating this drink; there is none better,” says Seagal, who lived in Tibet and Japan in the 1960s and 1970s while learning Buddhism and martial arts. “I have included in this drink everything I could to strengthen the body.”

Doesn't Seagal look like a Star Trek character on this can? Does Asian Experience mean that the drink tastes like an Asian?

Lets get to drinking!

I have three differing opinions on the drink. Nancy and I tried it as well as our friend Elicia. Elicia, eliciam, and I drank an entire can. Nancy couldn't stand more than two sips.


Nancy: Gross, this tastes like sweeten-condensed vegetable soup. (shudders) It tastes like alphabet soup with lots of sugar in it.

Elicia: Yummy! Berry-ish with a slight hint of vitaminy-ness that ends up being alot like a Hansen's soda.

David: As soon as it touched my tongue, I found myself understanding the world in a way that I never had before. It was like my head was a soft-boiled egg full of infinite knowledge and this drink was the spoon used to tap it open. Also, a lot like Hawaiian punch.


Nancy: Slight nausea.

Elicia: I did feel a little hot, but I think it was my imagination. Brandon was on stand-by the whole time and we did not have to take any immediate action, in fact he thought I was rather silly.

David: When Nancy and I went to the Costco warehouse store, I found myself formulating attacks against all the other shoppers. I was like a coiled spring ready to pounce forth in a spasm of arm-breaking fury. In fact, I may have had a vision. A tiny Steven Seagal appeared floating before me in a cloud of blue lightning. I tried not to stare, aware that no one else could see him. He whispered a secret to me and told me not to share it. And I won't except to say that I am in the process of grown a ponytail and have converted to Seagal-style Buddhism. And if anyone asks, I'm working for the CIA.


Nancy: Not enough to know.

Elicia: It gave me a boost for about 30 minutes, but all I was doing was sitting around.

David: Nothing. Except being tapped into the source of the energy that causes our universe to expand. That's all. KAPOW!

So, Elicia says she would do it again. Nancy doesn't want any in the house. Me? I think one is enough. One is all you need to understand.

Buy one. Then, you'll see.
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