David is thinking about the meat faerie (zoomardav) wrote,
David is thinking about the meat faerie

OK, He's Really Spoiled...

There is an entire series on Animal Planet or Pax based around the heroism of animals. Dogs, it seems, have almost psychic connections to the Earth. They know when earthquakes are coming and lure families out of rickety houses, they sense fire behind closed door and wake families just in time, and one I saw even prevented a baby from choking in its crib with a Lassie-like call to action.

Roscoe didn't even wake up the last time Seattle had an earthquake. Things fell off shelves and the hanging light in the living room clattered around like a sack of broken glass. I have to admit that his snore got a bit louder, so I can't say there was no reaction at all. If going into a deeper sleep can be called a reaction to an earthquake, then perhaps Roscoe is connected to lady Gaia.

So, what does get Roscoe riled up? A cawing bird outside the window. This is when he goes into true attack mode. It is his mission to make sure that birds flying by don't come into our apartment. Seagulls and crows are the only birds that warrant barking, other birds just get indignant pacing.

The biggest excitement in Roscoe's life is when I say our phone number into the phone. Our local pizza company stores all their customer info by phone number, so if Roscoe hears those numbers (Truthfully, on or off the phone.) he starts to bark and drool. Not a light, friendly "pay attention to me" bark, but an intense, greedy bark.

Again, this is our fault, we give him the crust off our pizza and he expects them. It's pretty amazing that he's followed the trail of pizza all the way back to our phone number. Every time the phone rings, phone number or not, he waits to see how long we talk. If we talk just for a moment, he assumes we're going to buzz someone up. This inspires mad scratching at the front door and he runs down to the elevator doors to lead the person back to our apartment. If it is the pizza deliver person, he literally dances around them on his hind legs with his tongue hanging out until they lower the pizza to a level where he can smell it.

Pizza itself is, in Roscoe estimation, the best thing that has ever been created. Better than girl dogs, better than prime rib gravy, even better than drinking from the tub. After the pizza arrives, he goes into the bathroom and waits for us to wash our hands and perhaps get a get him a drink. Then, to the couch to stare at the pizza. If we give him too many crusts, he barks at them until you threaten to take them back. He buries them in the couch cushions to age to perfection.

The other time he barks is a bit of a mystery. Once Nancy and I were talking about Law and Order and I said the name, Dick Wolf. He's the guy that created all those L & O shows and his name is always at the end of the credits. When I said "Dick Wolf" Roscoe immediately starting barking fiercely. Since that day, just a brief conversational mention of "Dick Wolf" will send him into a frenzy. I have no idea what about those words inspires so much hatred. Unless he is taking it not as a name, but as a potential enemy. In his imagination, it's a wild and terrible dog coming for his pug genitals.
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