David is thinking about the meat faerie (zoomardav) wrote,
David is thinking about the meat faerie

A Birthday Present for...

beatnikside (In the style of George Chesbro)

Dr. Carter made his way out of his underground sewer shelter and flopped onto the pavement gasping the fresh, but foggy, air. He could only come out at night when the reduced visibility made it possible for him to rummage for food. The chilling strings of “Moon River” made their way across the barren, decimated city that had once been Seattle. He scanned the horizon, the Space Needle stood out against the full moon. It had been fitted with four giant speakers that covered the whole city in sound 24 hours a day. It saddened him every time he saw it. The end of civilization, at least in any recognizable form, was Dr. Carter's fault and he spent his every available moment trying to solve the problem.

What was that? The sound of rustling leaves from the east. He looked over and saw an ivory skinned woman, naked except for a few scraps of cloth, making her way across a field. It was obvious that she hadn't seen him. Her gorgeous long neck held her perfectly formed tiny face. He worked the shotgun off his back, inch by careful inch, and aimed at her head.

His finger tensed on the trigger when a melodic, beautiful voice came just inches behind him, “It would be ever so nice if I could have a few bites of your brain.”

Shit, the other one had been a decoy. He rolled over to see three of the swan necked beauties reaching out for him. There was one in a sleeveless dress and sunglasses, obviously the leader, he flipped and fired at her head. It exploded in a halo of blood and hair, scattering pieces in all directions.

It had all seemed so innocent once. Like most disasters, this one started with a utopian vision. When the opportunity to clone someone appeared, Dr. Carter had simply picked up the nearest piece of DNA available. Yes, it was the hair of a beautiful woman and he had selfishly assumed that a clone of her might eventually come to love her creator. He would even admit to being a bit obsessed with her. Why else would anyone buy a lock of her gorgeous brunette hair off of E-bay?

He turned to fire at the next one, “Goodbye my huckleberry friend.” This one uttered a very delicate and feminine, “Oh, my…” in the moment before the bullet destroyed her.

The first clone had worked out so well, but as she grew at an artificially accelerated rate, it became obvious that she had no interest in Dr. Carter. She thought of him more as a father figure and preferred to spend all her time working for children's charities. That was when he made his mistake. He decided to change the DNA. Not much, just a smidge, a bit. An attempt to make her a little more pliant, accepting, to his more amorous advances. Of course, that was when it went wrong, how could it go right?

He stood and started running. He was surrounded on all sides by the ethereal beauty and wide eyes of a thousand Audrey Hepburn zombies hungry for his brain lumbering toward him in a pleasant, tom-boyish way

The music on the Space Needle abruptly changed to “I Could Have Danced All Night.” That was the alert. Soon, every zombie Audrey in the city would be after him. Each had a tiny cocktail fork around their neck in case they had the opportunity to eat some brain. He had seen it hundreds of times before. One zombie would crush a head, the brains spattered out on the floor. Then, one of the Audrey zombies would bring out a picnic blanket spread it on the floor and all of them would get on their knees and take turns at the head. After a tiny bird-like nibble, the zombie would say, “Oh, I simply couldn't eat another bite." The pattern would be repeated, a single brain feeding hundreds of zombie Audrey's until it was completely consumed.

If he could make it to his motorcycle, hidden in a nearby bush, he would live another day.
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