Today, a friend emailed me a link to Tall Clubs International – A Social Club for Tall People with a note that said, “This is right up your alley.”
He didn’t mean that I would want to join; he just meant that it would fascinate me and I would spend too much time thinking about it and reading the site. And I did.
There is a local Seattle club, Seattle Tip Toppers, which has the same standards as the national organization. The first rule of Tall Club is that you have to be over 6’ 2” for men and over 5’ 10” for women. That’s in your stocking feet, by the way. The second rule of Tall Club is a $30 membership fee. Unlike Fight Club, I guess you can talk about it as much as you want.
The first Tip Toppers club was founded in Los Angeles in 1938 and their big claim to fame is the king sized mattress. Bless them.
You can visit the Tall Personals – Size Does Matter. Where you can specify the height of your desired mate. The height is listed first in every entry! Or plan a tall vacation on a TCI Weekend – You Deserve a Tall Getaway trip. There are plenty of pictures!
They have a beauty pageant for the tall ladies every year, Miss Tall International. With complete pictures of all entrants going back to the 70’s. The site says of the current Miss Tall, “As Miss Tall International®, Nancy intends to act as an advocate, a spokesperson, and a champion when it comes to recognizing special needs for individuals of taller than average stature.” And she says that the club helped give her confidence.
After my review, I have come to the conclusion that this club exists as a way for tall people to mingle and breed to create a new race of super tall people. I feel the need to join the Seattle Tip Toppers and attend their meetings. We will eat cocktail weenies and potpies, actually full sized hot dogs and meat pies that just look small in our baseball-mitt sized hands, and discuss our secret tall plans to take over the world.
Then, the tallest of us will climb the space needle while holding a beautiful blonde “tiny” (That will be our name for anyone unqualified for Tall Club) and bat down planes, tall people aren’t allowed to become pilots, as they try to shoot him from his perch. We will chase down all who oppose us and pop off their heads with our thumbs as children do to dandelions. “Tiny had a baby and its head popped off.” Eventually, all the national chapters will join together to form a national government.
That’s right, the Tip Toppers will join with the East Association of Sophisticated Talls and then the Boston Beanstalk and the Tall Texans (All actual clubs by the way.) will gather in Denver, the mile high city, to form a new government where individual rights will be determined not by a constitution or misguided thought that everyone is created equal, but by a yardstick. As it should be.
Visit their website and prepare yourself for your new masters. We’re only a generation away.
Actually, after today, I’ll probably never think about it again.