David is thinking about the meat faerie (zoomardav) wrote,
David is thinking about the meat faerie
zoomardav

Letter in ToyFare Magazine this Month - You Should Read This

Dear ToyFare,

I was wondering if you could settle a score once and for all between me and my friends. Months ago, we were discussing our childhood fantasies, and which cartoon character we would most like to "date." Everybody was choosing the usual animated hotties such as Josie from Josie and the Pussycats or Daphne from Scooby Doo, among others.

I decided to be honest and mention that I always had a thing for Tweety from Looney Tunes, and proceeded to explain why I chose her. After I finished explaining my fondness for this beauty, all my friends stared at me with an uncomfortable silence. They then laughed at me viciously. Then they started arguing with me and telling me that Tweety was a dude, and that I indeed had fantasized about a guy all my life.

I refused to believe this. I turn to you, dear ToyFare, to finally settle this score forever. I mean, how could a beauty like that, with such a petite frame and those beautiful big blue eyes and kissable lips be a guy? I trust you will clear everything for us and I can finally go back to my normal life, and keep enjoying my fave caroon character.

Lorenzo Ramirez
San Marcos, CA

The response:

Lorenzo,

Never mind whether Tweety is a guy or not! Tweety's a friggin' BIRD! Those "kissable lips" are a sharp wedge of horn. You disgust me.

Anyway, I realized when I read this that I had no idea whether Tweety was a guy or a girl, because Tweety always struck me as kind of asexual and freaky. But, according to the Warner Bros. website, Tweety is indeed a guy.

What's worse, Tweety was voiced by Mel Blanc. Take a good look Lorenzo - THAT's who you've been fantasizing about all these years.

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